Happy Birthday… you have Diabetes!

One week before my 37th birthday [yikes! did I really say 37?!] I receive a phone call from my gyno. My blood test results are in. I kind of expected her to say the words “You’re diabetic”, so it wasn’t a shock when she did. My mother has been living with diabetes for years and to say the least I was certainly not taking precautions to avoid it. That being said, it is harsh pill of reality to swallow.

If you look back through my previous posts you’ll see I’ve always been on some sort of cycle of trying to eat healthy and get my lifestyle right. As per the current diagnosis it’s obvious that hasn’t happened yet! I intend to take this diagnosis and use it as my motivation though. I know how bad of a disease that diabetes can be, especially if it is not treated and met with healthy eating habits and exercise.

So I decided to start up my blogging website once again to chronicle my journey, however long it may be, into diabetes and getting better. I haven’t felt healthy for a long time and I’m hoping that now with getting this treated along with my other issues (high TSH and high cholesterol, yay) that I can start to feel like my old self again. I’m challenging myself to stay active with Zumba 2-3x per week and DDPYoga on my off days. I actually started this last week when I took my Day 1 pics (see below).

I’m also thinking that putting my words out into the universe on things (not just my health) will get me back into being the introspective person I used to pride myself on being. These past few months, hell, year seems I just go through the motions. I have a lot of wonderful blessings in my life these days the least I can do is make sure I’m enjoying them to the best of my abilities!

I have always said that by the time I turned 40 I’d be in the best shape of my life. Well, that gives me 3 years now to get it done!

Also, I like to try and choose theme songs for my year. Last year’s theme song was Secrets by Mary Lambert. This year’s jam is going to be Meghan Trainor’s Me Too. If I can believe about myself what she’s putting into those lyrics, it’ll be a great year 🙂

In other news, had a great pre-bday week weekend! Full of drag queens and musical theatre. Can’t really go wrong there! Enjoy your week everyone and be good to yourselves!

14206208_10210707582671530_4470205977403871169_o.jpgDay 1. DDPYoga first photos 🙂 

Doomsday For Crappy Foods

Today marked the start of my “Doomsday for Crappy Foods Detox”.

Ever since the fiance and I went on vacation over Memorial Day we have been ingesting nothing but what I like to call Frankenfoods. Frankenfoods are foods that consist of more chemicals than they do actual nutritious stuff. You know, the food we all love and that fills us with absolute joy and happiness? Yep, those foods. Fast Food, Restaurant Food, Pizza, French Fries, Potato Chips, Cookies, Donuts, Bread, etc. are all Frankenfoods. Of course, we all know that eating a ton of crappy food all day everyday is going to “Super Size” your body and give you a plethora of medical conditions to worry about… yet, as a society, that does nothing to stop us from gorging ourselves over drinks with friends. Oh! And drinks? Let’s not get started even talking about the deliciousness that is Soda, Beer, Liquor, etc. Unfortunately these Frankenfoods aren’t only hiding at restaurants and in the middle aisles of your grocery store… they are also hiding amongst the so-called Low Fat/Low Calorie foods! So what on earth is someone to do?!

I’ve heard about Clean Eating for years now. It’s never been something I’ve tried, though I can certainly see how the benefits would be enormous. It only makes sense… our bodies, before all of these chemicals started being pumped into them via food, medicine, etc, were meant to survive on the environment around us. As wonderful as it all sounds though, this blog is not about how I’m drastically, cold turkey switching to clean eating. Nope, I’m not that adventurous just yet. What this “Doomsday for Crappy Foods Detox” is about however is some simple steps I’ve decided to take to try and jumpstart my way into a healthier eating style. In all honesty, I’m doing it because I have a doctors appointment and bloodwork looming ahead of me and I don’t want the doctor to see that I’ve done nothing to improve myself in the last 3 months. I’m also doing it because I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been in my entire 34 years of life and I don’t even know what I weigh… I just know I’m quite a bit over what the docs think I should be. (I don’t really agree with medical standards on weight… but, I digress on that topic.) And lastly, I’m doing it because darn it, I just need to.

So I’ve devised an eating plan that I think I can stick to. It is not completely “Clean” but it is light years ahead of where I am now on the “healthy” Richter Scale. It certainly won’t be easy as I’m accustomed to filling my belly with delicious bready products and a bucket of Coca-Cola on a near daily basis, but we will see what happens. I’m sure that I’ll be “doing it wrong” (aren’t we all “doing it wrong” according to someone else’s opinion?)… but at least I’ll be “doing”, so please no emails about my follies.

Below is a list of what my day to day will be like. The list likely will be the same everyday, so my next updates will be very short or even not at all until I’ve completed the week. Follow along with me if you’d like, or don’t, this is really just to keep me honest 🙂

“Doomsday For Crappy Foods Detox” Day 1:

7:30 a.m. Breakfast:
Blueberries, Strawberries and Blackberries mixed into 1 serving of vanilla yogurt (the style of yogurt I got was 1 cup per serving).
1 Bottle of Water
1 Banana

10:30 a.m. Snacklet:
1 serving of mixed nuts
(if you are following along, WATCH YOUR SERVING SIZE! Nuts are great for protein, but also can be super fatty. Which is what we are trying not to be!)

12:30 p.m. Lunch Time:
Spicy Veggie Soup
(Formerly known as Chicken Tortilla Soup… I omitted the chicken and the tortillas because I’m a rock star! This soup is absolutely delish and FILLED to the gills with veggies. I don’t have a clue on calories or fat, because I’m not watching those things this week, but if you want to check it out here’s the link: http://alishagratehouse.com/chicken-tortilla-soup-crockpot-recipe/ . My fiance claims it smells horrific when cooking… so delicate noses beware! Also, I should have added more than one fresh jalapeno… but I was a chicken. Next time!)
1 small nectarine
1 small apple
1 bottle of water

3:00 p.m. Snacklet:
1 serving of mixed nuts

6:30 p.m. Dinner Time:
Bacon Peppercorn Rotisserie Chicken (skin removed)
Steamed Garlic Cauliflower (I bought frozen, should have opted for fresh)
Raw Carrots
1 glass of Apple Juice

10:00 p.m. Snacklet:
1 serving of Skinny Pop Popcorn (If you haven’t tried this stuff, please RUN do not walk [think of all the calories you’ll burn running!] to your nearest store and buy some. Heaven in a bag… AND all natural!)

The rest of this week’s menu will be much the same with the exception of possibly cottage cheese instead of yogurt, and the inclusion of some scrambled eggs. Dinners are going to be difficult, but we have plenty of chicken breasts in the freezer and salads [minimal dressing] are always good in a pinch.

On to the next I say! And enjoy these little words of wisdom below! Thanks Oatmeal!

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The Girl in the “Popples” Panties

I can pinpoint the exact moment when I began to feel uncomfortable in my own skin. It was in the first grade during PE. Back then, thankfully, the teachers selected your teams rather than the other kids deciding who they “liked” the best. At that time, I wasn’t really what most people would have considered to be ‘chubby’, though I did have a round face that adults loved to pinch. It was during this fateful PE class that one of my classmates, one of the popular boys, would refer to me as Ms. Piggy. Now, don’t get me wrong, these days I love that sassy, frog-loving swine… but all that my first grade brain registered was “piggy”.

By 5th grade, however, I had “blossomed”. I could definitely see the differences in my body versus the other girls my age. While the other girls still had slender athletic bodies I was starting to get rounder and squishier. My mother, bless her heart, would tell me that I was just developing more quickly and that I had a cute figure. I certainly didn’t feel that way.

Though I was struggling with my body image, I always managed to have a strong circle of friends. I wouldn’t say that I was popular by any means in school but most everyone either knew me or knew of me. I wasn’t the girl that everyone wanted to invite to their birthday party, but I also wasn’t the girl who received negative ratings in the many “Slam Books” that were spread around. (Incase you don’t know what a “Slam Book” was, it was an awful notebook that listed the names of your classmates. You would then rate each of the classmates on a scale of 1-10 on how attractive they were or if you liked them. There were an unfortunate few who were brutally rated by their peers, I can only imagine how that would have felt.) I was just there.

As puberty began to hit most of my girlfriends and I in 7th grade, boys were becoming much more interesting and interested… well, in some of us. We all had our crushes as most young adults do. I sat by and watched as friend after friend began having their first “boyfriend”, their first kiss, their first “date”. As it became clear that no boys were going to be interested in me, I began to devote my crush energy to unobtainable boys; my older brother’s friends, out of state boys and anyone I could convince myself  (and others) had my affection. I made it to only one middle school dance, and that was accompanied by a group of girlfriends. The idea of going dateless to a dance even in middle school was far too uncomfortable and embarrassing to me.

The summer before high school a couple of my closest friends and I went to Adventure Island, a water park here in Tampa Bay. I had purchased a new swimsuit for the occasion… one that looking back I can say was probably better suited for an adult woman with a nice figure rather than a squishy teenage girl. It was a one piece bathing suit though looked like a bikini with the stomach area being a black see-through mesh and I thought it looked pretty decent. We were all having a great time and then I heard it. It came from another girl… one who was quite a bit older than me, I’m guessing in her late teens-early 20s, and who looked great in her 2-Piece. “She should NOT be wearing that!” I didn’t need to acknowledge her to know she was referring to me. I don’t think any of my friends heard the remark so I quietly filed it away in my memory banks, put on a smile and vowed never to wear that swimsuit again. And I didn’t.

High school is awkward for a lot of people. Everyone is growing and changing by that point. As a freshman you are thrown into the mix with peers who are close to being adults. There are high school dances, boyfriends/girlfriends, football games, proms and scantily clad cheerleaders… all of which can either make the high school experience a great time or an incredible esteem damaging time. My social calendar didn’t improve much as I entered into high school. There were no boyfriends to be had, I never attended even one football game, no homecomings or proms and I wished to look as cute in a cheerleader uniform as many of my friends did. I tried out for color guard and didn’t make it. I still had an amazing group of friends but often I’d find myself becoming a little more withdrawn at school whenever they weren’t around to lift me up, to make me feel important. I did notice that though I didn’t seem to be turning any high school aged  boys’ heads, I was getting a lot of attention from much older adult men. I even found myself dating someone 13 years my senior before graduating. I tried to convince myself that the high school boys were just that, boys, and that I was doing well by having “men” interested in me but I was never fully able to.

It’s been 16 years since my high school graduation. There have been many ups and downs in regards to how I feel about myself physically (more downs than I would say ups). Fortunately after high school I was no longer like kryptonite to men… I’ve been in my share of long term relationships and dated a bit as well.  I have been on about every diet known to man, I’ve even tried seeing a doctor and getting B12 shots. One thing remains constant and that is that I’m almost never comfortable with my appearance. I’ve never felt confident being naked or even in a swimsuit. I don’t know the feeling of appreciating my curves. I feel the need to apologize to anyone who has to look at me. I don’t really know what it feels like to feel ‘pretty’. My poor fiance has to hear about how horrible I feel and has to see me cry more often than he ever should.

Please don’t take this post to be my saying that I don’t like myself as a person. I am not an unhappy person. Quite the opposite, really. I have spent a lot of my life, especially since I hit the milestone age of 30, focusing on emotionally and mentally getting myself in a state I feel completely comfortable with. The problem I have is that I have spent so much energy learning to be kind, compassionate and accepting of others that I have forgotten to learn how to be the same toward myself. Brian, my fiance, asked me recently after showing me some old photos of myself if I believed I looked good in the photos. I said that I did. He then asked me if I remembered how I felt about myself when those pictures were taken… the answer… I felt EXACTLY the same then as I do now. I felt exactly the same in highschool, in middle school and even back in elementary school… which teaches me that the problem is not my body it’s in my mind.

It’s time for me to start putting energy into learning to accept and forgive myself. This body is going to be with me for the rest of my life, though it may change in size, shape and color… it is still mine and I need to appreciate it. In some ways I feel this will be one of the most difficult lessons I’ve ever set out to learn.  I’m afraid of failing… but in the words of the late Maya Angelou, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” And that is exactly what I intend to do.

Today Was A Special Day!

Today is a special day for me!

You may not know me, but here’s a little tidbit about myself. I hate exercising. I didn’t always used to be this way…there was a point in time when I was at the gym everyday running a 5k on that treadmill. I loved sweating, I loved being toned and I loved fitting into smaller clothes.

Well, then I fell in love, got engaged, bought a house and 4+ years later I find myself to hate the conventional form of exercise. I enjoy being active…hiking, walking, camping, etc. but to actually set out to burn off the egg mcmuffin I had for breakfast? Not so much.

I’d really like to have the motivation back that I lost so many years ago. According to my doctor I need to shed a few pounds to keep myself from becoming diabetic since I’m predisposed to get it. Thanks genes! So I’ve been trying to get back on track…. and trying…and trying..and trying some more with no luck.

This week though…something changed. I’m not sure where the motivation came from..but it came!

My typical morning (pre-motivation week) existed of rolling out of bed with only 30 minutes to spare before I had to leave the house. It’d take about another 15 minutes of that time to find something to wear and attempt to make my hair presentable. Then I’d kiss the fiance goodbye and trudge down the stairs with the cat hot on my heels looking for breakfast. Typically I’d leave the house 15 minutes later than I should have.

Not this week though! This week I’ve managed to pull myself out of bed 30 minutes BEFORE my alarm would normally go off! And what did I do with this extra time? ZUMBA!!!!!  Boy, do I love Zumba. It is one form of exercise that never gets old to me. Though I’m sure I look like a marionette with an electric eel controlling my strings (a blind one at that)..I have so much fun. And I did this..not just one day this week..but EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Guess what? I’m going to do it again next week too, and the week after that, and the week after that! I don’t know that it will shed the pounds needed to avoid becoming diabetic…but it sure makes me feel fantastic everyday 🙂

So in honor of this very special day, I present to you a very special locket! One that needs to go in my collection very soon 🙂

Do you love Zumba too?

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Create your own locket at: ownyourlife.origamiowl.com