Broken. Nearly Shattered.

What an absolutely insane past 8 months I have had. Around 8 months ago my life completely changed. I guess I can’t really do this blog without touching on the ending of my relationship. The future I imagined myself having walked out the door on a Monday in November. I can honestly say it was one of the worst days of my life that I can remember. I can’t begin to explain the way I felt that day or the days surrounding it. Having the person you care about more than anything, who you felt loved you as unconditionally as you did them, tell you that they want something different for their life than what you were offering is a really difficult pill to swallow. Everything I thought that I knew about life or about myself was broken in the time it took to hear those words. I was numb. I was frozen. I idly stood by and watched my ‘happily ever after’ walk out the door. I didn’t put up a fight. I didn’t argue. Thats a funny thing about love. Even in my darkest of moments I still loved him enough to let him go.  I didn’t want him to stay with me and be unhappy. I didn’t want him to feel that his dreams couldn’t be a reality because I was interested in a ‘settled down’ lifestyle.  I still wanted/want what I’ve always wanted for him…to be truly happy. It still hurts to this day. I still cry when think about it or write blogs like this, but it is something I really have to continue to release in order to grow from.

Thank Buddha for his teachings and my willingness to live by them because I feel it has helped me to handle my situation better than I could have otherwise. I don’t hold any grudges. He and I still talk almost daily and remain friends. I still love him but it gets easier.

Fast forward to where I am today. I have sold the house that we used to live in. It was the first home I have purchased but honestly, without him being there it felt less like a home and more like a building. A building very far from where I work. I close on the sale of the home this Friday and it will help me get myself back to being financially stable and mostly debt free. The house was a good house..a great investment and full of a lot of really happy memories but it was also a constant reminder of things that didn’t work. I felt alone there. I felt sad. I didn’t feel like I was growing anything more than more depressed.

Thanks to my incredible family we were able to whip the house into shape and sell it within two days of listing. My family is such a godsend. I really lucked out when they were handing out parents. Not only did they help with the house but they have been so helpful in getting me into a new apartment, closer to work in a beautiful neighborhood that I’ve actually loved for many years. I truly believe it’s kismet that I’m here. For the entirety of living at the house I had a canvas on the wall of a photograph I had taken in this very neighborhood where I’m now living. Its beautiful here. It’s peaceful and quiet and filled with nature. It’s exactly what I need right now during this transformative period of my life.

Which brings me to the future. Where do I go from here? Who is single, independent Mindy? How can I build my confidence in doing things on my own? Will I be in this area after a year? I have no answers for any of these questions. If I have learned anything over the last 8 months it is that the future is never certain.  My plan is to just take each day as it is handed to me. My plan is to fill each day with intention. I want to be more present. I want to write more blogs. I want to get back on track with a healthier lifestyle. I want to read more books and be on facebook less. I want to learn how to cross stitch. I want to cook more often. I want to focus on experiencing my amazing friends and family without a cell phone attached to my hand. So welcome to my new journey my friends… I hope to update more frequently…maybe even with some “Mindy Gets Healthy Version 5837584920” posts as well lol

namaste. ❤

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