Broken. Nearly Shattered.

What an absolutely insane past 8 months I have had. Around 8 months ago my life completely changed. I guess I can’t really do this blog without touching on the ending of my relationship. The future I imagined myself having walked out the door on a Monday in November. I can honestly say it was one of the worst days of my life that I can remember. I can’t begin to explain the way I felt that day or the days surrounding it. Having the person you care about more than anything, who you felt loved you as unconditionally as you did them, tell you that they want something different for their life than what you were offering is a really difficult pill to swallow. Everything I thought that I knew about life or about myself was broken in the time it took to hear those words. I was numb. I was frozen. I idly stood by and watched my ‘happily ever after’ walk out the door. I didn’t put up a fight. I didn’t argue. Thats a funny thing about love. Even in my darkest of moments I still loved him enough to let him go.  I didn’t want him to stay with me and be unhappy. I didn’t want him to feel that his dreams couldn’t be a reality because I was interested in a ‘settled down’ lifestyle.  I still wanted/want what I’ve always wanted for him…to be truly happy. It still hurts to this day. I still cry when think about it or write blogs like this, but it is something I really have to continue to release in order to grow from.

Thank Buddha for his teachings and my willingness to live by them because I feel it has helped me to handle my situation better than I could have otherwise. I don’t hold any grudges. He and I still talk almost daily and remain friends. I still love him but it gets easier.

Fast forward to where I am today. I have sold the house that we used to live in. It was the first home I have purchased but honestly, without him being there it felt less like a home and more like a building. A building very far from where I work. I close on the sale of the home this Friday and it will help me get myself back to being financially stable and mostly debt free. The house was a good house..a great investment and full of a lot of really happy memories but it was also a constant reminder of things that didn’t work. I felt alone there. I felt sad. I didn’t feel like I was growing anything more than more depressed.

Thanks to my incredible family we were able to whip the house into shape and sell it within two days of listing. My family is such a godsend. I really lucked out when they were handing out parents. Not only did they help with the house but they have been so helpful in getting me into a new apartment, closer to work in a beautiful neighborhood that I’ve actually loved for many years. I truly believe it’s kismet that I’m here. For the entirety of living at the house I had a canvas on the wall of a photograph I had taken in this very neighborhood where I’m now living. Its beautiful here. It’s peaceful and quiet and filled with nature. It’s exactly what I need right now during this transformative period of my life.

Which brings me to the future. Where do I go from here? Who is single, independent Mindy? How can I build my confidence in doing things on my own? Will I be in this area after a year? I have no answers for any of these questions. If I have learned anything over the last 8 months it is that the future is never certain.  My plan is to just take each day as it is handed to me. My plan is to fill each day with intention. I want to be more present. I want to write more blogs. I want to get back on track with a healthier lifestyle. I want to read more books and be on facebook less. I want to learn how to cross stitch. I want to cook more often. I want to focus on experiencing my amazing friends and family without a cell phone attached to my hand. So welcome to my new journey my friends… I hope to update more frequently…maybe even with some “Mindy Gets Healthy Version 5837584920” posts as well lol

namaste. ❤


Skin, Drugs and Rock & Roll?

Its now been a week and a half since my doctor’s visits and starting on my diabetes meds. Taking the meds is a big pain in the butt, but I must say, already I’m feeling so much different. I have SO much more energy it (and I’ve only been taking half doses to get my body used to it!) and my appetite has slowed down dramatically. I’ve yet to prick my finger to see where my B.S. is be sitting. Honestly, I’m afraid of that finger pricker. Because I KNOW it hurts, I can’t imagine doing it to myself intentionally 🙂 Sooner or later I’ll muster up the courage though! But, based on feelings alone, I’m optimistic!

I’m a little scared to start taking stronger doses of everything (the amt the doc prescribed). What if my blood sugar goes TOO low? What if my body can’t handle a bunch of medication due to unforeseen circumstances? I know I’m just paranoid. The doctor definitely knows more about how to treat me than I do. But I’ve never been a fan of medication. I’m that person who will either push through my symptoms, ignore them completely or search for natural remedies before even considering putting man-made medicine in my body. I think it all goes back to my core issue of needing to feel in control. Currently, my body is out of control and I can’t control it without outside help.  Yet.  I WILL if there is any way possible defeat this disease and not be medicine dependent the rest of my life on this planet!

One thing I will say is that I’m so incredibly blessed and thankful to have the partner I do in Brian. I can’t really say it enough. From the moment I told him I had diabetes, he started making lifestyle changes himself to help me along my journey. He has a ‘we’ll fight it together’ mentality that helps keep me strong everyday.

In other news, I’m going to get back to reviewing products here on the site. I did a few reviews for books, and I’ll be continuing that as well. I figure I’ll be trying lots of new things in the months to come 🙂 So look for reviews on Michelle Visage’s book Diva Rules, You Are A Bad Ass by Jen Sincero and also Rodan + Fields Soothe Skin Regimen in the near future.

One final note… I just did the most fun workout (at home) in a long time! I’m a big fan of zumba so I always try to find zumba workouts on youtube that I can do on my off days from the class at the gym. A friend shared this video with me and I fell in love with this guy! He has an entire youtube channel and some playlists with a full workout. I just clicked on the playlist called ‘warm ups’ today. And if those are warm ups I’m definitely not ready for the real deal. ha! I did 11 songs in the warm up playlist and got a GREAT workout! This sweat did not make itself!


Until next time my sweet friends, namaste!

Happy Birthday… you have Diabetes!

One week before my 37th birthday [yikes! did I really say 37?!] I receive a phone call from my gyno. My blood test results are in. I kind of expected her to say the words “You’re diabetic”, so it wasn’t a shock when she did. My mother has been living with diabetes for years and to say the least I was certainly not taking precautions to avoid it. That being said, it is harsh pill of reality to swallow.

If you look back through my previous posts you’ll see I’ve always been on some sort of cycle of trying to eat healthy and get my lifestyle right. As per the current diagnosis it’s obvious that hasn’t happened yet! I intend to take this diagnosis and use it as my motivation though. I know how bad of a disease that diabetes can be, especially if it is not treated and met with healthy eating habits and exercise.

So I decided to start up my blogging website once again to chronicle my journey, however long it may be, into diabetes and getting better. I haven’t felt healthy for a long time and I’m hoping that now with getting this treated along with my other issues (high TSH and high cholesterol, yay) that I can start to feel like my old self again. I’m challenging myself to stay active with Zumba 2-3x per week and DDPYoga on my off days. I actually started this last week when I took my Day 1 pics (see below).

I’m also thinking that putting my words out into the universe on things (not just my health) will get me back into being the introspective person I used to pride myself on being. These past few months, hell, year seems I just go through the motions. I have a lot of wonderful blessings in my life these days the least I can do is make sure I’m enjoying them to the best of my abilities!

I have always said that by the time I turned 40 I’d be in the best shape of my life. Well, that gives me 3 years now to get it done!

Also, I like to try and choose theme songs for my year. Last year’s theme song was Secrets by Mary Lambert. This year’s jam is going to be Meghan Trainor’s Me Too. If I can believe about myself what she’s putting into those lyrics, it’ll be a great year 🙂

In other news, had a great pre-bday week weekend! Full of drag queens and musical theatre. Can’t really go wrong there! Enjoy your week everyone and be good to yourselves!

14206208_10210707582671530_4470205977403871169_o.jpgDay 1. DDPYoga first photos 🙂 

Oh… Trump.

I’m not much of a political person but I couldn’t sit idly by this campaign season.

I’m very afraid for the state of this country with the way this election is headed and the reactions of many of our citizens. I’m but one voice in the masses of American citizens but with that voice I can still attempt to be heard.

For FB

I’ve created these Anti-Trump Removable Bumper Stickers and Car Magnets so that I can express everywhere I go my displeasure in this election. I figure if I have to be an audience member at the circus that is the GOP then I may as well try to capitalize on it. That’s the American Dream for you! ha!

Stickers and Magnets are 8″ w x 6″ h.

Magnets – $12.50 each (includes shipping within US)
REMOVABLE Bumper Stickers – $5.50 (includes shipping within US)

Payment is accepted via Paypal. Once I receive an order I will send you an invoice. Item prints after payment received and should ship to you within 7 days (or less). Please contact me with any questions/orders!

Lets stand up against the insanity!

Do Something.

Are you happy ? I mean… if you are being honest with yourself… truly happy? If so, fantastic! But if not, then welcome to the club. This post isn’t going to be all doom and gloom… most of us have the same general desire and that is to find true happiness. But what is true happiness really? It probably has a different meaning to each and every one of us. As a kid I used to think true happiness would be making a million dollars, traveling the world and hoarding a thousand pets that I could hug and squeeze and kiss all over. As I grew into a teenager my idea of true happiness was finding a stud and making him love me forever, a simple creative career would suffice and living on the beach was the way to go. Now halfway through my 30s my idea of happiness has changed yet again. I’d still like to have a million dollars and travel the world, but one four-legged furry at a time is more than enough. I’ve found the stud that will love me forever, have a ‘creative’ career and live within close proximity to multiple beaches. I should be an overflowing cup of joy juice… right? Then why do I feel so blah all the time?

It seems lately I’ve been letting things that I enjoy and that comfort me fall to the wayside. Bless my fiance’s heart for keeping the majority of our home clean but I tend to have no motivation to keep my areas (bathroom, bedroom, car, etc.) tidy which  ultimately ends up causing me stress and discomfort. I normally would enjoy spending time getting ready to go places but these days it seems I spend little to no time getting ready to face the world… which then makes me feel insecure about my appearance (stress/anxiety). I enjoy testing my body’s abilities and the way that healthy eating makes me feel in comparison to eating unhealthily… yet I willingly indulge in sugar-laden beverages, greasy burgers/pizza, etc. knowing that it’s going to make me feel lethargic and ill afterwards. Why do I do these things to myself?

As I consider these few things that I know contribute to my discontentment I know that there is always the possibility that I’m suffering from a form of depression. I’ve never struggled with severe depression myself, though have been close to others who have so I’ve learned a great deal about it and how it effects your entire life. I understand that suffering from depression doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m sad. I’m not sad, not in the least… I’m just very under-motivated.

At any rate, I’m not in the business of self diagnosis but I am in the business of self healing, soul searching and self reflection. I’m a firm believer in putting the words in your head out into the universe and repeating them to yourself ad nauseum until you actually believe them. As a wonderful Buddhist nun taught us about happiness, “fake it until you make it” if you will. I’ve devised a plan for myself. I’m going to make a point of everyday doing at least one thing to improve my life. No matter how large or small of a thing, the effort will be made. Today, I’m going to clean my bathroom for the first time in months. The bathroom is the first place that I see in the mornings and it ultimately sets the tone for the day… a clean/tidy bathroom will at least get me started on the right foot.

Here’s to baby steps to self-improvement… happy weekend everyone!

Doomsday For Crappy Foods

Today marked the start of my “Doomsday for Crappy Foods Detox”.

Ever since the fiance and I went on vacation over Memorial Day we have been ingesting nothing but what I like to call Frankenfoods. Frankenfoods are foods that consist of more chemicals than they do actual nutritious stuff. You know, the food we all love and that fills us with absolute joy and happiness? Yep, those foods. Fast Food, Restaurant Food, Pizza, French Fries, Potato Chips, Cookies, Donuts, Bread, etc. are all Frankenfoods. Of course, we all know that eating a ton of crappy food all day everyday is going to “Super Size” your body and give you a plethora of medical conditions to worry about… yet, as a society, that does nothing to stop us from gorging ourselves over drinks with friends. Oh! And drinks? Let’s not get started even talking about the deliciousness that is Soda, Beer, Liquor, etc. Unfortunately these Frankenfoods aren’t only hiding at restaurants and in the middle aisles of your grocery store… they are also hiding amongst the so-called Low Fat/Low Calorie foods! So what on earth is someone to do?!

I’ve heard about Clean Eating for years now. It’s never been something I’ve tried, though I can certainly see how the benefits would be enormous. It only makes sense… our bodies, before all of these chemicals started being pumped into them via food, medicine, etc, were meant to survive on the environment around us. As wonderful as it all sounds though, this blog is not about how I’m drastically, cold turkey switching to clean eating. Nope, I’m not that adventurous just yet. What this “Doomsday for Crappy Foods Detox” is about however is some simple steps I’ve decided to take to try and jumpstart my way into a healthier eating style. In all honesty, I’m doing it because I have a doctors appointment and bloodwork looming ahead of me and I don’t want the doctor to see that I’ve done nothing to improve myself in the last 3 months. I’m also doing it because I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been in my entire 34 years of life and I don’t even know what I weigh… I just know I’m quite a bit over what the docs think I should be. (I don’t really agree with medical standards on weight… but, I digress on that topic.) And lastly, I’m doing it because darn it, I just need to.

So I’ve devised an eating plan that I think I can stick to. It is not completely “Clean” but it is light years ahead of where I am now on the “healthy” Richter Scale. It certainly won’t be easy as I’m accustomed to filling my belly with delicious bready products and a bucket of Coca-Cola on a near daily basis, but we will see what happens. I’m sure that I’ll be “doing it wrong” (aren’t we all “doing it wrong” according to someone else’s opinion?)… but at least I’ll be “doing”, so please no emails about my follies.

Below is a list of what my day to day will be like. The list likely will be the same everyday, so my next updates will be very short or even not at all until I’ve completed the week. Follow along with me if you’d like, or don’t, this is really just to keep me honest 🙂

“Doomsday For Crappy Foods Detox” Day 1:

7:30 a.m. Breakfast:
Blueberries, Strawberries and Blackberries mixed into 1 serving of vanilla yogurt (the style of yogurt I got was 1 cup per serving).
1 Bottle of Water
1 Banana

10:30 a.m. Snacklet:
1 serving of mixed nuts
(if you are following along, WATCH YOUR SERVING SIZE! Nuts are great for protein, but also can be super fatty. Which is what we are trying not to be!)

12:30 p.m. Lunch Time:
Spicy Veggie Soup
(Formerly known as Chicken Tortilla Soup… I omitted the chicken and the tortillas because I’m a rock star! This soup is absolutely delish and FILLED to the gills with veggies. I don’t have a clue on calories or fat, because I’m not watching those things this week, but if you want to check it out here’s the link: . My fiance claims it smells horrific when cooking… so delicate noses beware! Also, I should have added more than one fresh jalapeno… but I was a chicken. Next time!)
1 small nectarine
1 small apple
1 bottle of water

3:00 p.m. Snacklet:
1 serving of mixed nuts

6:30 p.m. Dinner Time:
Bacon Peppercorn Rotisserie Chicken (skin removed)
Steamed Garlic Cauliflower (I bought frozen, should have opted for fresh)
Raw Carrots
1 glass of Apple Juice

10:00 p.m. Snacklet:
1 serving of Skinny Pop Popcorn (If you haven’t tried this stuff, please RUN do not walk [think of all the calories you’ll burn running!] to your nearest store and buy some. Heaven in a bag… AND all natural!)

The rest of this week’s menu will be much the same with the exception of possibly cottage cheese instead of yogurt, and the inclusion of some scrambled eggs. Dinners are going to be difficult, but we have plenty of chicken breasts in the freezer and salads [minimal dressing] are always good in a pinch.

On to the next I say! And enjoy these little words of wisdom below! Thanks Oatmeal!


If Only…

Do you often find yourself thinking “If only…”? I know I have!

If only I had a different job, I wouldn’t be so stressed.

If only I could lose 10 pounds, I’d be happy.

If only I made a little more money, I could be happier.

Today’s world is ever-changing. Technology is constantly bringing forth new gadgets and gizmos that are supposed to make our lives easier and more fulfilled. But are we?

A lot of us look at our past with rose colored glasses. We reminisce of yesterdays when it seemed life was easier; we were more carefree. But were we?  Really?

I’m of the opinion that we aren’t and we weren’t. I’ve come to believe that our happiness is based solely on our thoughts and feelings in relation to our current situations. Back in 2011, I found a great post (whose author has since been forgotten) that describes our “feelings” and how they can determine our happiness…

Think of your feelings as your children. You made them. Sometimes they are pure joy. Sometimes they give you grief. But you are the parent and the one who sets the rules. Sometimes, in the proper environment, you let them go wild. Sometimes you have to rein them in. You don’t ignore them of course. You let them be. But they have to follow your rules.

Whenever your feelings start to get the best of you, try to remember this metaphor: If you let your children rule the house, you’re going to have a pretty chaotic house. But if you ignore them or refuse to let them express themselves in any way, your family won’t be healthy and you won’t be doing your job as a parent.

If you begin to feel your mind leaning toward the “If only…” try to stop yourself  and reframe the thought. “If only I could lose 10 pounds, I’d be happier.” could become “I may need to lose a few pounds, but darn it, I’m alive and able. I have the opportunity to change this.” Every day we are in control of the choices that determine our happiness and every situation we are facing can be looked at with at least two perspectives. This doesn’t work everytime, but I’ve found that in the time span that I’ve been focusing on trying to do this that I am far better prepared to handle any situation life throws at me. As time goes on it has gotten easier and easier to replace any possible negative thoughts with positive ones. But similar to learning any new skill, you have to keep practicing.

One of many teachings I received from a lovely Buddhist monk focused heavily on the topic of our perception of time. She focused on the fact that there is no tangible form of the Past or of the Future. Both the Past and the Future are only in our minds and created by our thoughts. Neither the Past nor the Future can be altered in this moment…. so we must try to live only for this exact second and make it worthwhile. When we look back on our past memories, whether those from 5 years ago or only a week ago, our mind fills in the gaps that have since been forgotten. In the moment that we lived the “past experience” we may have had a very different feeling than we do now thinking back. We cannot truly know if things were ‘better’ then versus now. We cannot assume that the future will be any “better” than the now. The only control that we have is in our perception of this very moment.

What will you choose in this moment? Will your children run the house or will they follow your rules?